


The Diary

by ameliakepner



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F, Mental Illness, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Residency AU, Romance, Useless Lesbians, amelia has a journal where she frequently writes her gay feelings, arizona is cocky and doesnt need to be told that amy likes her, bisexual Amelia because fuck you, mentions of drug abuse, self harm mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameliakepner/pseuds/ameliakepner
Summary: What happens at Johns Hopkins, stays at Johns Hopkins.(may change title in future)
Relationships: Arizona Robbins/Amelia Shepherd
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	The Diary

_ \- April 15th, 2005 - _

__

_ Dear diary, _

__

_ A pretty blonde girl started showing up at the hospital I work at. She has blue eyes, the same as I do. I think her name is Arizona. I never really saw her before until I was on the neuro-pediatric wing. She skates around the hospital like a crazy person. I admire her enthusiasm though. I’m too tired to be doing crazy shit like that. Every time I look at her I see the rays of sunshine; Enough to make my heart feel warmer. She is so happy all the time. I wish that were me.  _

__

_ I’m a resident transfer, I work at Hopkins now. Best decision I could have ever made. The program is a million times better than the one in New York. The attendings aren’t garbage, and they actually want to teach us something. Another plus is getting to see Arizona. She’s taken a liking to me, or so I’ve heard. She hasn’t spoken to me before. I’m hoping she does soon. I’m too scared to make the first move….. _

__

Amelia writes in her diary between surgeries, laying down on a bed in one of the on-call rooms. She carries it everywhere, it’s small enough to fit in her pocket. She gets paged, and she rushes to put her things away and goes down to the ER. 

__

“We need to rush her to the OR-” The brunette calls out to the other nurses in the room after she does an examination. “I think she has a brain bleed.”

__

Tom Koracick stands in the corner, watching Amelia work. 

__

“Slow down, Shepherd.”

__

Amelia stops for a second to look at the monitor. She does everything again, going over the chart twice.

__

“Take her to CT.” The older man places his hand on Amelia’s shoulder. Tom puts the chart aside. “My resident is a bit overzealous.”

__

Arizona whips by on her heelys. She stops to talk to Amelia. “Hey there, stranger.”

__

_ Uh oh.  _ Amelia thinks to herself. So many things rush through her mind.

__

“You’re the new neurosurgery resident, right?” Arizona picks up the chart, reading it as well. “Seems to me like we’re working on this case together.” Her smile beams at Amelia. 

__

_ Oh my god. Oh my god.  _ Amelia continues to panic. She gulps. “Yeah. I’m Amelia. Shepherd. Amelia Shepherd. Third year transfer.” 

Arizona can sense her nervousness, which only means one thing in Arizona’s mind. It screams homosexual. Girls get nervous because she’s pretty. That’s how she tends to read it. 9 times out of 10 she’s actually right.

__

“Arizona Robbins. Pediatric Surgery.” The blonde extends her hand out to Amelia, shaking it. “You are SO pretty, by the way. Just thought I’d let you know.” Arizona works her charm, even smiling and giggling at her.

__

Amelia can feel her heart beating faster than normal. “Thanks. You too.” Her face flushes fully red. She’s making her crush obvious just by existing around her. Her mind wanders elsewhere as they work on the case. Everything Amelia imagines is something she wants to keep unspoken and hidden to the world around her. 

The blonde hooks her arm around Amelia’s as they wander through the empty halls that night. The peacefulness of the ward settles the neurosurgeon’s inner anxieties.

__

The women head up to the roof of the hospital, purely to gaze up at the stars. Or at each other. Both happen without the other knowing that they were staring. Arizona takes a minute to admire the small brunette’s features, taking in her beauty, not with a grain of salt, but with all the curiosity in the world. She wants to know  _ her.  _ What makes her tick. What she likes to eat for breakfast. Anything and everything. The most minute details are essential to Arizona. 

__

Amelia stares too. For a long time. Someone who was once a stranger to her was actually becoming somewhat of a friend. Or so she thinks. What she wants is another animal entirely. She’s not used to giving in to her secret desires for women, but she just might be able to. Only for Arizona. She’s special. She’s safe. There’s a spark between them. 

__

_ \- April 22nd, 2005 - _

__

_ Dear Diary, _

__

_ Okay. Maybe I’m PMS’ing. A little bit. I don’t know. All I know is I want her. This is the shortest diary entry ever. I want pussy. _

__

__ __ _ Sincerely, Amelia Shepherd xoxo _

__

Amelia accidentally leaves her journal in the on-call room, running off when she’s paged to the OR. 

__

Arizona comes out of surgery, searching for the nearest room to rest in. She picks up the dropped journal. It takes everything in her gut to not read it, so she just checks the inside cover to see who it belongs to. 

__

“Amelia.” The blonde says out loud. She stuffs the book into her lab coat pocket and lays down on the bottom bunk-bed. She passes out faster than she intends to.

__

The patient ends up passing away, leaving Amelia feeling defeated. She tries her best not to cry while she walks down the hallway to the bathroom. She’s reminded again of all the failures in her life. Including the million times she’s disappointed her mother. In situations like these, Amelia’s worst symptoms come out. She completely mentally spirals as she breaks down in the handicapped stall. She’s so hard on herself. Amelia’s high standards get the better of her sometimes. 

__

Later in the day, the blonde pediatric surgeon skates down the hallway. She’s hoping she’ll run into Amelia. Her curly hair whips behind her face as the wind she generates blows it backwards. She has the pocket journal in clutch and ready to be returned to its previous owner.

__

“Arizona!” Dr. Shepherd calls out from the elevator. Arizona enters the lift on time before the doors close on them. 

__

“Hey. I found your diary.”

__

Amelia’s heart stops. She checks her own pockets in hopes that somehow the journal was in there. It was not. She smiles at Arizona to hide her nervousness. 

__

“Thanks.” Amelia’s handed the small blue journal from Arizona. “You didn’t read it...right?” She chuckles, her tone is anxious.

__

“No, why? You got any juicy secrets in there?” Arizona jokes.

__

“Uhh. No. It’s all surgery stuff. Super cool. No emotions or feelings whatsoever.” Amelia says back, her smile still spread across her face.

__

Arizona shakes her head. “I’m not judging. If you happened to pour your heart out to a diary… you know. It’s all good.” She hooks her arm around Amelia’s. “What floor are we headed off to, Dr. Shepherd?” 

__

“Uhhh...Four?” Amelia leans into the touch. She likes being close with Arizona. It feels natural. “Don’t you have work to do, Miss Chief Resident?”

__

“Nope. Well… for now, until I get a page.” 

__

“I love how spending time with me is your first choice for your downtime.” Amelia gives her a smirk. “I guess I’m special.”

__

“Perhaps.” Arizona mirrors the smirk. “Or I just wanted to be a good citizen and return this private journal to its rightful owner.” She giggles. “You’ll never know which one.” Her shoulders shrug.

__

Amelia laughs. She doesn’t think Arizona likes her. She has no idea how wrong she is. She’s too caught up in her own anxiety to figure it out. The hospital’s packed with nurses and residents and attendings, too much chaos for one day. 

__

Code Blue. The hallways become a race track for which resident got to attend to the patient first. Of course it was Robbins and Shepherd. 

__

Arizona was able to resuscitate the patient; her now showing off to the scared interns who nearly killed the woman. She yelled just a little bit. That was enough to scare them off.

__

“You’re really not all sunshines and rainbows, huh?” Amelia teases her when they leave the unit. “You were a monster.” She fake gasps.

__

Arizona bursts out laughing. “I had to display my authority over these surgical babies. They don’t know the lay of the land. Yet.” 

__

Her dominance turns the brunette on. She can only imagine what she’s like in bed. Her mind wanders to elsewhere as the two continue to hang out. After they have ‘Lunch’ together, Arizona has to head back up to the OR; Amelia takes that chance to go back to an on-call room and...take care of herself. 

__

This is when Amelia makes her second entry of the day into her journal.

__  
  


_ \- April 22nd, 2005 - _

_ Dear Diary, _

__

_ I’ve never felt so much pleasure while thinking about another person in my life. Arizona Robbins is the most beautifully sexy woman I’ve ever seen. Does that make sense? Beautifully sexy? Whatever. It’s my journal. It’s not like anyone’s gonna read this. I feel like such a little schoolgirl writing about my crush in my girlie diary. I’ve been hanging out with this woman for like a week and now I’m extremely into her. What is my life? _

__

_ I really want to get to know her better. In a non-sex way. Despite what this entry says, I actually want to pursue her romantically first. _

__

_ Sincerely, horny bisexual. _

__

That’s where she signs off for the day, placing the diary back in her lab coat.

Arizona’s assigned to ten more cases for her overnight shift. A resident bailed on their shift so the blonde has to pick up the slack. She rolls her eyes after the attending surgeon walks away, clearly frustrated by the sudden workload. The hospital becomes a different place in the early hours of the morning. It’s somewhat of a twilight zone where time just doesn’t feel real. 

__

“Dr. Robbins?” 

__

Arizona’s interns are clueless. To say the least. “Hmm?”

__

“My patient needs a central line.” The younger man tells her, trying to proceed with caution.

__

“So do one. I taught you how, I’m sure you can do it by yourself.” She has some confidence in him.

__

He shakes his head. “I can’t. I don’t remember how.” 

__

Arizona helps where she can, so she’s not mad. She’s happy that her student knows their limits and is able to recognize when they need help. 

__

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Arizona scribbles down her signature on a different patient’s chart, before being led to another room.

__

At 8 am, both women are walking out to the parking lot together.

__

There isn’t much being said, but the contact between the two of them says enough.

__

“I’m so tired.” Amelia yawns. She lays her head on Arizona’s shoulder. Whether she was actually tired or just wanted to be extra close to Arizona, even Amelia didn’t know. 

__

_ \- April 25th, 2005 - _

__

_ Dear Diary,  _

__

_ Arizona and I are hanging out more and more everyday. I’m really starting to like her. We went out to lunch the other day and I enjoyed being around her. I can’t wait to see what our relationship becomes <3 _

__

_ Wow. Am I really drawing hearts all over my notebook?  _

__

_ Yes. Yes I am. _

__

_ I’ll add another entry if something else happens when I go over to her place tonight. _

__

_ Sincerely, love-struck middle schooler Amelia<3<3<3 xoxoxo _

__

Amelia puts the book down. She then generously applies mascara to her eyelashes, simply adding a finishing touch to her makeup. Her hair was next. She had to make it perfect. This wasn’t a date, but she was preparing like it was. Including shaving everything.  _ You never know what’ll happen  _ Amelia thought to herself while in the shower earlier that day.

__

Arizona did something similar, in addition to cleaning her apartment. She hadn’t had time to do so in a long while. The back-to-back shifts make it nearly impossible for all the household chores to be done. She wants to make a good impression on her new ‘friend’.

__

Amelia meets up with Arizona downstairs. “Hey, you.” She smiles. The blonde makes a risky move and kisses Amy on the cheek. “I’m making us food upstairs. Come on.” She shows her inside, going to the elevator with her. 

__

“You’re  _ very  _ friendly today.” Amelia giggles, her face becoming flushed.

__

“Oh. I’m like that with all of my  _ friends _ .” The taller blonde put emphasis on the last word, in case the affection made Amelia uncomfortable. “You aren’t that special.” She jokes, poking the neurosurgeon’s side. Arizona is definitely not like this with any of her friends. Especially not with women she doesn’t know the sexuality of. But she’s deciding to make a bold move tonight in hopes of getting some action. She’s missed the touch of another woman.

__

Amelia pouts. “Awe. Why not?”

__

“Because.”

__

The brunette snorts. “Because why?”

__

“Beccaauusseee.” Arizona leads her to her place. 

__

They get in, and the first thing Amelia notices is how nice it is. Everything is all set up for a date-type scenario.

__

“Maybe I am special after all.” Amelia sits down at the table. “You didn’t have to do all this.”

__

“I wanted to.” Arizona flashes her one of her own signature smiles, before going to light some candles. 

__

The neurosurgeon’s heart beats a million times a minute. She wants this more than anything now. She can’t help but be overly-flustered and anxious. She gets fidgety while sitting at the table. The tension between them was strong. There’s something stirring between the two of them without it being realized or mentioned. 

_ \- April 27th, 2005 - _

__

_ Dear Diary, _

__

_ I just spent the last two days with Arizona. Nothing’s happened yet. Except for a bit of cuddling. I’m in her arms as I’m writing this. She’s asleep however. I don’t want her knowing she’s all I write about nowadays. <3 _

__

_ I wish I could kiss her. _

__

_ Sincerely, Amelia Robbins <3 xoxo _

__

Amelia’s face flusters when she writes the last part. She ends up erasing it, leaving it as:

__

_ Sincerely, Amelia <3 xoxo _

__

She puts her book aside, falling back asleep on Arizona’s chest.

__  
  
  
  


Amelia wonders if this is how things are gonna be now. She hopes it lasts a long time.

__


End file.
